Lesson 10: Chaos, Confusion & Infinite Possibilities

“Chaos is the score upon which reality is written” – Henry Miller

Change is different. That much is clear. And lasting change can be challenging; but living life thinking you are unloved, destined to be the fat sister etc. Is a life less lived. Take a look at your ‘I Ams” and question your Saboteur. Dare to break out of the box and experience an amazing new you…

Chaos and Confusion is Scary

I believe you picked up this course because you wanted to change, because you suspected something is wrong with the way you’re hardwired and because you’re good and tired of the Saboteur Within always keeping you safe and sound in your small box…

Well, I can help, but you have to help yourself too. One way to do that is to face two simple facts about change:

  1. Change isn’t hard, it’s just different;
  2. Chaos and confusion are part and parcel of change.

Change is Different

Anyone who’s ever tried to change – anything – knows that change can seem almost impossible. When, in fact, change is whatever you choose to believe. Think about it as “hard” and “difficult” or alternatively “exciting” and “powerful”, either way, you will be right.

Therefore, thinking about it as “different” or “new” will get you through the uncomfortable bits more quickly and with less pain.

Quitting smoking, leaving a dysfunctional relationship, or changing your career may appear to be physically hard or a phenomenal challenge, but you have the power to decide how it will be for you.

Our lives are challenging enough without change, yet they’ll only become more painful and uncomfortable if we don’t change. For me to ask you to do something as fundamentally backward-seeming to you as “embrace chaos and confusion” sounds like the opposite of self-help, but in point of fact you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t ready for a little upheaval and reorganisation in your life!

I get it; we don’t like chaos. It’s unpleasant, it can be threatening and, frankly, we often work hard just to avoid it. But how much longer do you want to live believing that every guy is a waste of space? How much longer can you go on feeling unloved, unwanted, ugly or destined to be your family’s version of the “black sheep”?

If you’ve been paying attention at all by now you’ll know that problems don’t just “go away” because they’ve reached an expiration date. If anything, if we don’t address them and sweep them under the carpet, they only get worse as we go along.

It’s not okay to give in to your Saboteur Within just because it feels the easiest route; your mind will always choose the path of least resistance. Where has that gotten you so far?

In order to break free of the limiting self-beliefs of your “I Am” statements about you and your life, you must be ready to change; you must be willing to enter into a place where, temporarily, chaos and confusion rule.

Chaos and Confusion Are Part and Parcel of Change

Picture a man who has an “I Am” statement that reads, “I Am 52-years-old and already past my prime.” Imagine that; being 52 and already writing off the rest of your life, love, career, success or whatever else the next 40 years, or so, might bring him.

In his case, that “I Am” statement is not just a limiting self-belief; it’s a social, spiritual, physical, financial and professional death sentence. If you truly believe you are past your prime in your 50s, what do your 60s hold for you? To say nothing of your 70s, 80s and even 90s?

What if Betty White believed she was past her prime? Or Kirk Douglas? Or Helen Mirren? Or any number of creative, healthy, successful, vibrant people for whom their 50s is just another step up the ladder, not down?

Now, take that same man, who has so much locked in potential, energy, youth, vitality and life to live and throw his “I Am” statement into chaos and confusion by rewriting it to read, “I Am 52 and just entering my prime!” Suddenly, he can’t give up on life anymore! Instead, he has to go out there and live it, harder and faster and with more creativity and challenge than ever before.

At first glance, it might appear that life is much simpler if you believe your best years are already behind you. Without new mountains to climb, challenges to overcome, obstacles to navigate our way around, or risks to take, we can just… rest easy. The truth is, once you open yourself up to chaos and confusion, you can live life more fully, more happily and with more satisfaction. Frankly, if you’re unhappy with your life so far, you can’t really start living until you step out of your comfort zone, face a little, temporary, chaos and confusion and open up to the infinite possibilities of life outside the box.

What the Mind Suppresses, the Body Expresses!

You have to shift your focus from the limited to the limitless. Stop seeing chaos and confusion as something to be avoided at all cost and see them as doorways to possibility! Yes, change can bring temporary complications that are often “inconvenient,” but around the corner from them is the possibility for a life you’ve never even imagined, full of joy, creativity, love and passion, all the things you’ve been hoping for yourself “someday.”

Today can be your someday. But, you won’t get it from your easy chair, from the sofa, from bed or from the comfort of your small “I Am” box.

Norman Cousins wrote the book Anatomy of An Illness (W. W. Norton & Company, 2001 [reissue]) almost 15 years after his terminal diagnosis in 1964. During his lifetime, Cousins was thrown into massive confusion when he contracted a life threatening disease known as “ankylosing spondylitis,” a degenerative disease that causes the breakdown of collagen, the fibrous tissue that binds together the body’s cells.

Cousins was nearly totally paralyzed and given only a few months to live, when he discharged himself from the hospital, moved into a hotel room and prescribed himself massive amounts of vitamin C and overwhelming amounts of humour.

Norman knew that he had to do something radical if he was to survive. And if the medical profession were right and certain of his prognosis, what did he have to lose? He realised that he must take responsibility for his own health and well-being and he did so in a style that would earn him great praise from many professionals around the world, making him the man who laughed himself back to health. They even made a movie about him, check it out; it’s still available on DVD and well worth watching.

WARNING: You Are Entering Consciously Uncharted Territory!

Letting go of all that is familiar can be scary and terrifying but just imagine all that’s out there waiting for you. Once upon a time everyone thought the world was flat; that if you sailed out past a certain distance in the sea you would literally fall off the face of the earth and that was that!

Imagine being one of the first explorers to test that theory – talk about chaos, confusion and fear!!! And now, imagine being the first to experience the infinite possibility of a world that is round and full of amazing, breathtaking new lands.

What you need is proof; proof that the world isn’t flat, that your box is actually a prison and change can be liberating! Let’s say your “I Am” statement is that you are a “happily married” woman. Well, how come you are not enjoying life? Why are you feeling cold toward your spouse or you get the sense that he’s a little chilly towards you?

Could it be your marriage is not so happy after all? Could you be missing some hard evidence that your Saboteur has been deleting?– late nights, having to work the weekend, lipstick on a collar or two – Are you beginning to suspect that your ‘I am happily married’ is actually an out of date ‘I am’ statement?

When a seemingly happily married woman discovers her husband is cheating on her; wham, suddenly there is a massive “I Am” shift and lots of chaos comes flooding in. Now, “I am an unhappily married woman” is your new norm.

But… but… but your system, your Saboteur, your unconscious may well seek to delete, generalise and distort in an attempt to support your old ‘I Am’ and have you stay in an unhealthy relationship just to keep you in your chosen box. Alternatively, whilst caught in the tidal wave of this new information, she could choose to develop a new ‘I Am’ and open up all kinds of new opportunities, you just have to be brave enough to live in chaos for a while, allowing yourself to transform and grow into your new ‘I Am.’

Parting Words About Chaos, Confusion and Infinite Possibilities

“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Victor E. Frankl

Literally, the possibilities are endless. All because you faced chaos and confusion, even if it’s involuntarily, to come out the other side and explore life’s ultimate, endless and truly infinite possibilities! When people go through that transformation, and into infinite possibilities, their energy gets better, their body feels better; they now have the option to pick a brand new “I Am.”