Fear of rejection by Matt Hudson: How to deal with rejection

Do you suffer from a fear of being rejected?

Stone faced rejection!

It is a very common problem whether you are a single person wanting to be in a relationship or a salesperson wanting

to sell your product, it’s the same problem in a different context.

As a customer did you ever buy something because it was okay, functional, will do for now? If you did, then you just settled for what was there, and supported your own, internal saboteur, in keeping you inside your old patterns. Your wardrobe will be full of clothes but there will be nothing for you to wear and your house will be full of stuff!

Apply this same strategy to your relationships and ask yourself, are you just settling for an average life? Are you eating and filling your body full of stuff? Those moments of chocolate on your lips are the same as when you spend money or have sex or make a sale, so what is it that drives some to create an ordinary life whilst others can create an extra ordinary one?

What drives this addictive behaviour?

In a word ‘Dopamine’ it’s the natural pleasure drug that our brain releases into our system. Whether it’s having sex, eating food, spending money or just about anything that makes you happy- the trouble is your brain will drive you to find more of these experiences.

Imagine then, if every time you go out of the house, the neurotransmitters in your brain, associated with dopamine, take control and before you can say “more please?”

  • Food – eat feel good, eat feel good, eat feel good…
  • Shopping – spend feel good, spend feel good, spend feel good…
  • New relationship – meet feel good, meet feel good, meet feel good…
  • Alcohol, sex, drugs rock and roll anything that you like has the potential for a dopamine addiction.

Dopamine release is also known as the ‘reward pathway’ and if you watch the tv adverts you can see this demonstrated to great effect, however having kittens appearing from a packet of chocolate digestives made me associate cat hair on my biscuits, so YUCK! No reward pathway connection from me to McVities, however, if you thought “awwww! How lovely!” Then wham! The ad has had the desired effect.

How do you free yourself from addiction?

The dopamine neurotransmitters in your brain fire up and make you feel good in contexts with certain stimuli, therefore, if you are:

You are the best YOU ever!

You are the best YOU ever

  • Standing by the swimming pool on a hot day, the voice inside your mind will begin telling you that the water is freezing and you won’t like it.
  • Dating your ideal partner is standing only a few feet away and the voice starts up about ‘why would they even look at a person like you.
  • Selling and cold calling potential customers- they hate you and continue to say “NO!”

There is no dopamine fix so you are less likely to want to do anything. Did you ever hear the saying repetition is the mother of skill? If you commit to:

  • Walking over to the next person you like and saying “Hello”
  • Picking up that telephone and making a cold call
  • Jumping into the pool

You will begin to build up a natural chemical process that over a very short period of time will become the norm for you. Imagine that every “No” is a step closer to the partner of your dreams, the next big sale or a cool refreshing dip in the pool. Stop thinking and start doing!

If you really thought about it you could use the same process to feel good about almost anything 🙂